Shmuel's Soapbox: American Idol Annex

Finale!

And away we go!

I'm betting James and Steven play together at some point tonight, even if it's only for a few moments.

Pool-wise, it's Pam (Lauren) vs. Mo (Scotty). Pam's hoping for her third win; Mo, her second.

Opening montage, with the field whittled down to 2.

Over 122 million votes last night, a new record! And three-quarters of a billion for the season as a whole.

It should be noted that, taken as a whole, this season didn't suck. I wasn't sure it would manage that. Excellent group of finalists, and Steven was fun to watch. I still think Jimmy Iovine's role was weird... I'm tempted to suggest he replace Randy at the judges' table next season. And there will be a next season; their ratings are up this year.

The Top 13, dressed in white, perform "Born This Way."

...they're making a movie out of Mr. Popper's Penguins? I am torn between being happy that maybe a few more books will be sold, and horror at how they're going to destroy the book.

James and Judas Priest perform "Living After Midnight." (Who needs Steven?)

Randy Jackson montage. ("What is this?" "He's in it to win it!")

Jacob and Kirk Franklin perform "I Smile." And are joined by Gladys Knight. And a choir.

Casey performs "Fat Bottom Girls" with Jack Black, complete with scat singing break. I am loving this.
Okay, the background dancers were superfluous.

The female finalists... are coming. Ryan vamps a bit. Okay, here we go.

The female finalists perform a Beyoncé medley: "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)," "Irreplaceable," "Get Me Bodied," "If I Were a Boy," "Déjà Vu." And Beyoncé joins them for "Crazy in Love."

Steven Tyler montage. (Many, many bleeps.)

Haley and Tony Bennett perform "Steppin' Out With My Baby."
Haley should have won, darn it.

Jennifer Lopez montage. (Many auditioners tell her about their crushes on her, and various finalists sing to her. Or kiss her, in Scotty's case.)

TLC and the female finalists perform a medley of "No Scrubs" and "Waterfalls."

Scotty and Tim McGraw perform "Live Like You Were Dying."

According to Ryan, Tim was just named the artist with the most radio airplay of the past decade.

Montage of "unsung heroes" from the auditions.

Mr. J.Lo—that is, Marc Anthony—performs... something in Spanish, the title of which I know not. And is joined by his wife, as a foregrounded backup dancer.

Montage of finalists talking about the most shocking elimination: Casey and James fight over the title until Pia stops by wearing a "MOST SHOCKING" sash.

The male finalists perform a Tom Jones medley: "Kiss," "She's a Lady," "What's New Pussycat," "Green, Green Grass of Home," "Love Me Tonight," "Delilah." Tom Jones joins them for "It's Not Unusual."

Ford music video: "Whenever You Remember"
The favorite teachers of the top 2 (one apiece) each get a Ford Focus, and the top 2 get any Ford vehicle they want.
(Bet Haley's teacher has mixed feelings just now...)

Lady Gaga performs "The Edge of Glory." With a pimp playing the sax, and a stripper simulating— no, wait, that's Gaga. Never mind...

Lauren performs "Before He Cheats," joined by Carrie Underwood.

Montage: the finalists talk about Scotty and Lauren. And the indignity of being surpassed by a couple of kids. Very cute.

Beyoncé returns, singing a new song, "One Plus One."

Bono and the Edge perform "Rise Above" from Spider-Man: Be Careful with Those Safety Cables in the Dark.
...well, there went my interest in ever seeing the musical.
Spidey dangles upside-down in front of J-Lo, who unrolls the mask past his lips... then boops his nose and pushes him away.

Steven Tyler performs "Dream On." And it is awesome.

Wait... that's it? He's not joined by the rest of Aerosmith? Ah well.

And on to the results! The envelope please...

After the nationwide vote, the winner of American Idol season 10 is... Scotty!

Mo picks up her second win! (And her first that's not a tie.)

Scotty gets a trophy, and performs his single, more or less, while hugging his family, the other finalists, and the judges. And then he tries to catch confetti on his tongue.

Final standings:

Mo Pie: 30.25
TeKay: 28.75
Pam: 23.75
Jesse: 21.5
Shmuel: 17.25
Shlomo: 7.75

See y'all for X Factor?

Top 2: Performances

The finale is here! Lauren vs. Scotty!

This... is Nashville St-- umm, I mean, American Idol!

There were reports that Lauren was having trouble with her voice. Never mind that. She's singing.

A doctor explains that she sprained a vocal cord during rehearsal, but they've drugged her up, so let's do this.

Three songs apiece. Contestant's choice from earlier in the season, Idol's hero's choice, single.

Scotty won the coin toss, but being an idiot chivalrous, he let Lauren choose to go second.

Round One: Song from Earlier in the Season

Scotty, "Gone" (Montgomery Gentry)
Fun. Not overly demanding, but fun.

We're apparently not bothering with feedback from the judges, at least at this point.

Lauren, "Flat on the Floor" (Carrie Underwood)
The first time around was my favorite of hers this season, so good choice! She did it better the first time, but then she didn't need medical intervention to sing that week...

Still no judges' feedback.

Round one goes to... eh, whatever.

Round Two: George Strait and Carrie Underwood choose Scotty and Lauren's Songs, Respectively

Scotty, "Check Yes or No" (George Strait)
Pleasant.

Lauren, "Maybe It Was Memphis" (Pam Tillis)
S'okay.

Two rounds down, and only 26 minutes in. Finally, we get to the judges!

Randy thinks they were both great. He gives Round One to Scotty, Round Two to Lauren.
Jennifer concurs.
Steven gives both rounds to Lauren "only because she's prettier than you are."

Taio Cruz performs "Positive," sponsored by Coca-Cola and written by the folks at home.

And on to the potential singles.

Scotty, "I Love You This Big"
...wait, the montage of Scotty through the season is playing in the background? That is SO distracting.
Anyway. It's crap, but all Idol singles are. This is actually less banal than most.

And on to the judges, reminding us why they didn't bother with them in the previous rounds. They concur that the performance was amazing.

This is both the most rushed and the least interesting finale on record.

Lauren, "Like My Mother Does" (Kristy Lee Cook)
...sung directly to her mother, and also getting out of range of the montage in the background. Nice staging choice there...
Anyway. Schmaltzy, but not total crap! The advantages of picking a cover...

The judges give Round 3 to Lauren.

Does it matter? Nah. I don't think either finalist did anything that would send people running to the phones tonight. They've got their fanbases, and whoever was motivated before the show will vote after it. I could have been swayed by a superlative performance from either; as it stands, I can only wish Haley had been there for me to vote for.

...are we actually finishing six minutes early? Isn't there supposed to be some embarrassing-- oh, here we go. David Cook performs "Don't You (Forget About Me)" as a montage from the season plays in the background. It beats a rewritten "My Way." And everything else we've seen tonight. Which is kind of sad, actually, 'cause it ain't great.

Ah well. Finale tomorrow night. It's bound to be better.

Top 3: Results!

So I was out all day today... got home shortly past 10:00 to find that my computer, which was set to tape tonight's results show, had in fact rebooted itself about 29 minutes in.

After swearing for a bit and disabling the bit of software responsible, I turned to Plan B. My download of the episode should be complete in about 45 seconds. Thank you, Internet...

Jimmy predicts that there'll be a guy in the finale, which is to say, Scotty. Is he right? This is American Idol!

Over 95 million votes last night!

Remember, next week, the performances are Tuesday night. Because Fox is screwing with us and the Glee viewers.

(Okay, granted, there's a wide overlap between the two.)

Montage: the top 4 visit Bad Robot Productions, view scenes from Super 8, and get some Super 8 cameras. Hooray for obsolete technology!

Footage of Haley's Wheeling, IL, homecoming.

Ford video: "Smile" (Uncle Kracker)

Performance by... an Italian trio? Il Volo? Singing "O Sole Mio"?

...god, I love this show.

Scotty's Garner, NC, homecoming.

Nicole Scherzinger (featuring 50 Cent) performs "Right There."

(Bring back Il Volo!)

Lauren's Georgia/Tennessee homecoming, which includes her seeing the post-storm wreckage for the first time. Dang.

And on to the results. Allegedly. I expect a commercial break to intervene.

"After the nationwide vote... I can now tell you... the results, after the break."

It's nice to see Idol's most cherished traditions upheld.

Here we go, for real.

The first person staying is... Scotty! (And doing this in two shots is switching things up.)

The other person in the finale is... Lauren!

Drat. Drat.

Haley takes it well.

Swan song: "Benny and the Jets" (with lyrics modified on the fly to include the judges)

Next week: the youngest Top 2 ever face off, country-style.

Pam, Mo Pie, and TeKay pick up one point apiece (barring a late entry to the contrary from the last).

(Drat.)

Pool Forecast: Here Comes the Math

SPOILER ALERT!

If you don't want to know who stands to win in certain scenarios, and which scenarios may involve tactics, don't read on!

If you do, come on in...

There's a chance I screwed up the math along the way, but as far as I can tell, the following chart has a summary of all the potential points up to last week's vote. The five points left from this week and next week are still up in the air...

If Lauren is this year's American Idol, then Pam wins. Period. None of us can touch her.

If Scotty is this year's American Idol, then Mo is in the lead. If it's Scotty/Haley/Lauren, then Mo definitely wins; if it's Scotty/Lauren/Haley, then Pam and Tekay could potentially pass her.

If Haley is this year's American Idol, things are a bit more up in the air. If it's Haley/Lauren/Scotty, then TeKay has a narrow lead, but Jesse, Mo Pie, and Pam are all within striking distance. If it's Haley/Scotty/Lauren, then Pam has a small lead over Jesse.

The upshot is that the picks made by Jesse, Mo Pie, Pam, and TeKay all matter, and cannot at this point be narrowed down to a clear strategic choice.

Shlomo and I, on the other hand, get to go grumble in the corner and wait till next year.

Good luck, y'all!

Top 3: Performances

So, hey, first of all, congrats to Mo Pie on the birth of her daughter!

Also: next week's finale will be Tuesday/Wednesday, not Wednesday/Thursday. Because why not confuse everybody at the last minute?

So, we're down to Haley, Lauren, and Scotty. I don't think any of us would have predicted this particular Top 3. (I'm okay with it, I just wouldn't have predicted it.)

Three songs apiece tonight!

Round 1: Contestant's Choice.
Round 2: Jimmy's Choice
Round 3: Judge's Choice

Guest mentor: Beyoncé

Scotty, "Amazed" (Lonestar)
Pleasant. Though somewhat less so when he started reaching for the high notes.

Lauren, "Wild One" (Faith Hill)
Objectively, this was good. But I'm hungry and I've been wrestling with a website in an attempt to order a pizza.

Haley, "What Is and What Should Never Be" (Led Zeppelin)
It does help to keep track of the lyrics. Still the best performance so far.

...oh, she actually tripped? The dangers of typing while watching... excellent recovery, then.

Her dad was playing guitar. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

All of that said, last night I went to a speed dating event, and one of the women I spoke to was highly annoyed at James's being voted off the show. I allowed that I may have voted for Haley a few... dozen times last week.

I don't regret it.

(On a related note, there are a lot of bitter James fans out there. Will they drop out, or support somebody else? If the latter, who?)

Randy says Haley won Round 1 hands down.
Steven explains that "she got her freak on."
J-Lo concurs. Go Team Haley!

Round 2! Let's see what Jimmy Iovine came up with...

Flashback to Scotty's audition. I'd forgotten he was the impetus for Steven Tyler's "hellfire and save matches" bit...

Scotty, "Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not" (Thompson Square)
Good job.

(Meanwhile, have ordered food from another restaurant. Whee.)

J.Lo just asked Scotty to shave his hair shorter for the finale.

Lauren's pantyhose ripped during the break, so we get to watch the makeup person apply some shimmer to her legs. Ah, reality TV.

Replay of Lauren's audition.

Lauren, "If I Die Young" (The Band Perry)
Better than her first song, I think!

J.Lo says Lauren has "the most beautiful tone of our finalists."

And flashback to Haley's audition.

Haley, "Rhiannon" (Fleetwood Mac)
Hmm. I think her first song was better. Still, go Team Haley!

And Steven's right: if her final song kicks it up a notch again, this is probably a good downshift to have in the middle.

Steven thinks Lauren took Round 2.
J.Lo and Randy go with "Scotty, Scotty, Scotty."

World premiere of Beyoncé's new music video.

...wait, they didn't even show the whole thing? Not that it was good, but still.

(FOOD! HERE! OM NOM NOM!)

The judges' picks this year are by unanimous consent, rather than one per judge. With this year's Panel O' Consensus, I guess that makes sense...

Scotty, "She Believes in Me" (Kenny Rogers)
It was Scotty. Certainly his fanbase will keep voting for him. But will he win over any James voters? (Does he need to?)

Lauren can't have picked this dress, can she? It's actually good.

Lauren, "I Hope You Dance" (Lee Ann Womack)
Solid performance.

Haley, "You Oughta Know" (Alanis Morissette)
Y'know, I half suspect this was judicial sabotage. Not a good song choice.

Steven thinks Haley won Round Three.
J.Lo and Randy go with Lauren.

So... are we headed for an all-country finale, an all-female finale, or neither of the above? And should I be doing the annual spoilery math? (I'll do the annual spoilery math. Sit tight...)

Top 4: Results

Boys vs. girls! Rockers vs. country singers! Who will survive?

Our picks are all over the map; at least one of us is betting on any given one of the finalists leaving. Who will go?

Almost 72 million votes last night! (The most ever for a Top 4 week, says Ryan. Of course, this is also the first year votes have been accepted via Facebook...)

Montage from last night.

Scotty and James: "Start a Band" (Brad Paisley)
Cute.

Haley and Lauren: "Gunpowder and Lead" (Miranda Lambert)
Nice. (If only Lauren had been this convincing on "Trouble" last night...)

Windows Messenger montage, with the finalists videochatting with their families.

The first person in the Top 3 is... Lauren.
Interestingly, Steven looks a bit taken aback by this.

The Top 4 (and we at home) watch Lady Gaga perform "You and I."

Enrique Iglesias performs "Dirty Dancer" and "I Like It."

Ford video: "Fireflies"

Jordin Sparks performs "I Am Woman."
...I seriously don't understand people who take issue with Rebecca Black for her lyrics. It's not as if these are any better. (See also: every Idol finale single ever.)

World premiere of Steven Tyler's new video, "(It) Feels So Good."

"There's been a lot of buzz about how strong the guys have been this season," says Ryan, "and after the nationwide vote, I can tell you... two girls will be in the Top 3 this year."
Haley is in the Top 3!
Steven looks... I can't quite pin it down, but he's not looking very pleased.
Lauren and Haley rejoice! Scotty says "wow." James is not looking so good.

And the final one in the Top 3 is... Scotty.

James is out.
The judges are somber.

Swan song: "Maybe I'm Amazed."

Jesse picks up 5 points; Tekay and I, 3; Mo Pie and Pam, 2.

Top 4: Performances

It's Leiber and Stoller week! And Lady Gaga is a guest mentor!

...wait, what?

Incidentally, I babbled a bit about Lauren and her impending doom in the comments to the last entry, so if you haven't seen it, maybe go back and read that.

Anyway. Homecoming montage! Reminding us that we get to determine which three will get to experience that...

Round One is songs that inspire the finalists. Round Two is the Leiber/Stoller/Gaga extravaganza.

James, "Don't Stop Believin'" (Journey)
...seriously? James chose the most overdone feel-good karaoke song of all time? And did a completely middle-of-the-road version of it? Really?
What was he thinking?!

Simon would have shredded that. I'm just saying.

(In happier news, it's official: Paula is joining X Factor. Which means it's official: I'm gonna be watching X Factor.)

Steven Tyler's book is a bestseller, says Ryan.

Haley, "Earth Song" (Michael Jackson)
I don't think the abridgment was kind to that one; the growl might have worked better with some more buildup.

This is what the judges take issue with? Really?

...don't talk back to the judges, Haley. Please don't talk back to the judges. I want you to make it through this week...

It suddenly occurs to me that the country singers may have the edge with the "inspirational" theme. If they can't find anything good in that genre...

Scotty, "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)" (Alan Jackson)
Oh, shrewd choice, Scotty. Well-played indeed.

(Simon would have pointed out the calculation. He would have approved of it, but he would have pointed it out.)

Google Chrome commercial focusing on the It Gets Better project. <3

Tickets for the tour go on sale this Friday, May 13th.

Lauren, "Anyway" (Martina McBride)
Was it just me, or were some of those big notes really flat? Maybe it's just a country thing; I'm not familiar with this song.

Lauren mentioned last week that her stylist hates her. Given that dress, it's not hard to see why.

J.Lo thinks the winner of the first round is... oh, she's noncommital.
Randy goes with everybody but Haley.

Haley's going first next round? I can't remember them ever switching the order before...

Lady Gaga montage.

Ryan notes that they're switching things up, so pay attention to the phone numbers... apparently, it's the order in the first round that counts. (Let the conspiracy theories begin!)

They've dressed up the rehearsal space for Gaga. Of course they have...

Haley, "I (Who Have Nothing)" (Ben E. King)
I can't decide if this is too over the top, or just over the top enough.
I think it worked, though.

Gaga is trying to get Scotty to make love to the microphone. Oh dear.

Scotty, "Young Blood" (The Coasters)
Endearingly geeky.

(In fairness, Simon would have trashed that too, and not without justification.)

Lauren, "Trouble" (Elvis)
The first few moments were promising. But then... I just couldn't actually buy her claiming to be evil. She was too darn adorable.
...which may be a double-standard, considering that Scotty did much the same thing. Hmm.

And the alpha is the omega this week, as James starts and ends the show.

Mike Stoller is in the audience. Woot!

James, "Love Potion No. 9" (The Clovers)
Best performance of the week. No contest.

I think Scotty is safe. Beyond that... I have no idea. Any thoughts, y'all?

Top 5: Results

We all think Jacob's going home tonight. Are we right?

60 million votes cast last night; the highest of the season so far.

Steven Tyler's got a new book out: Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?

J.Lo's gonna be performing, and has a new video coming out.

As for Randy... Ryan claims he's got a bake sale coming up.

Group number: "Happy Together"

Think about the styles of the remaining finalists. Then think about this song. Yeah, it's that bad.

Ford video: "Be Yourself"

Hell's Kitchen montage, with Gordon Ramsey judging the finalists on making an omelet. Ah, network cross-promotion...

(Lauren takes first place by a mile; Jacob is second. Not that you care.)

...oh, good grief, there's a second part coming later in the show.

Lady Antebellum performs "Just a Kiss."

Montage / Bing commercial: the finalists on choosing songs and outfits.

On to results at last...

James... wait, Jimmy's offering commentary now?
Jimmy thinks James scored 8 out of 10 last night, and that his voice breaking in "Without You" hurt him.
James is sent to start a group on the far side of the stage.

Lauren: Jimmy thinks she did great in her first song, but pulled back in the second. Because of the latter, he thinks she'll be in the bottom two.
Lauren is sent to start a group on the near side of the stage.

At some point, I ought to write about Jimmy's really rather weird role on the show this season as a combination mentor and critic/judge/Simon-surrogate. I don't think they're quite compatible...

...then again, that pretty much sums up everything I have to say on the subject.

And back to the Hell's Kitchen filler. Lauren and Jacob face off identifying foods in a blind taste test. Lauren wins. Can we get back to the show?

Jennifer Lopez performs "On the Floor" in baggy metallic pants as Steven, Ryan, and Randy gleefully throw popcorn around.

Idol director: "Hey, we got an overhead camera this year, and I wanna use it again!"

And an excerpt from J.Lo's new video, "I'm Into You."

Jacob: Jimmy thinks he had a rough night, with both songs being "slightly off." He rates Jacob's performance a 6.
Jacob joins Lauren on the near side of the stage.

Haley: Jimmy thinks she'd been running 4th or 5th, and needed to take a risk to pull ahead. He gives her a 10.
Haley joins James on the far side.

Scotty: Jimmy thinks his first song was "stellar."The second "came up a bit short," but Scotty's got a great career ahead of him.

Ryan notes that Scotty has never actually been in the bottom two. (That Jacob was sent back to safety first last week was insignificant.) And he's safe again.

Ryan asks Scotty to stand with the group he thinks is safe. He says he can't do that. Ryan walks him over to Haley and James. They're all safe.

Bottom two: Lauren and Jacob. Jacob looks unhappy; Lauren looks crushed.

The person going home is... Jacob.

(There is immediate cheering in the audience.)

Swan song: "A House Is Not a Home." Lauren still looks haunted. The other finalists and judges egg Jacob on to embellishing the ending beyond all reason.

Mo Pie and Pam get 3 points; everybody else (barring a late entry from TeKay) gets 1.

Top 5: Performances

Tonight's theme is "Now and Then"; one contemporary song apiece, one older.

Randy reminds the finalists that we're entering the home stretch, and only one person gets to win.

Sheryl Crow is a guest mentor.

Contemporary songs first:

James, "Closer to the Edge" (30 Seconds from Mars)
Vocally speaking, not a great performance. It all seemed off. (But then I'm not familiar with the song.)

Jacob, "No Air" (Jordin Sparks)
Well. Umm. I will grant that doing a whole song falsetto is certainly an interesting choice, as is singing both sides of a duet. They're not very good choices, but they're interesting.

"I think I'm an artist who appeals to everybody." Oh, Jacob. So, so wrong.

Lauren, "Flat on the Floor" (Carrie Underwood)
Perfect song choice, flawless execution. This is the Lauren the judges have been waiting for.

Scotty, "Gone" (Montgomery Gentry)
The country singers are dominating so far tonight. Well done!

Randy says "in it to win it" for the umpteenth time.

Haley, "You and I" (Lady Gaga) [unreleased]
Is Jimmy trying to sabotage her? Doing songs people aren't familiar with tends to backfire...
Anyway, decent performance. Not her best. Puts her in a solid third place so far tonight.

On to round 2, "Then":

James, "Without You" (Badfinger) [attributed to Harry Nilsson, who took it to #1]
Much better.

Jacob, "Love Hurts" (Everly Brothers)
Well, it's better than his first song was.

Lauren, "Unchained Melody" (Righteous Brothers)
Eh. Okay. Pretty. Good thing she had that first song. (Also, that dress is terrible. She looks like she's cut in half at the waist...)

Scotty, "Always on My Mind" (Brenda Lee) [attributed to Elvis, who had more success with it]
We have this odd reciprocal thing going on. The people who tanked in the first round did better in this one; the people who dominated the first are just okay in this one. Though I suppose they're showing their range.
Anyway. It was fine. Just nothing to drive people to the phones.

Haley, "House of the Rising Sun" (The Animals) [it goes back way earlier, but let's just go with that]
And this would be the best performance of Round 2.

Overall, Scotty, Lauren, and Haley were the best of the night, and if there's any justice, they're all staying. (But there may not be any justice.) I've said this before, and who can predict America? but I think Jacob's finally gonna say bye-bye this week.

"For the first time, I'm glad it's up to America, not up to me," says J.Lo. Hasn't she said that before? I may be wrong.