So here's where I'm at right now...

Yesterday's entry was targeted at old-school online journal folks, taking for granted that y'all more or less remember who I am. But I shouldn't be so presumptuous...plus a lot has happened in the past few years. Here's a quick rundown, then.

My day job involves proofreading, copyediting, and fact-checking. These days, I work about ten months a year at a major children's publishing company that you probably have warm fuzzy feelings about. (So do I.) Alas, despite effectively being full-time, it's on a contract-worker basis, with no benefits to speak of...which is technically legal because modern capitalism sucks.

My apartment is across the Hudson River, and it's fine except that I can't get any medical insurance that will cover my clinic on the other side. And my coming legal name-and-gender change is going to be a complicated dance back and forth across two jurisdictions. This is a strong incentive to look for housing back in NYC proper, but I'm just getting by as it stands, and my apartment here is rent-controlled. (I couldn't even afford this place if I were first moving in now.) So I'm grateful for having it, but I'm also kinda stuck at the moment.

On the gender front, I'm nonbinary transfeminine. If people are going to mentally classify me into one of the two most popular genders, I'd rather they put me into the "female" category, which comes closer to fitting. But I don't actually fit into either camp. I'm just glad we have better words for that now, and a more visible community.

It occurs to me that I've just neatly set up three paragraphs where I'm caught between different categories of large hegemonic systems. I hadn't actually planned that.

Focusing more on the positives, then...

I like the actual work that I do, and I'm very good at it. It helps get good books into the hands of kids, and that makes me happy.

Apart from geopolitical concerns, my apartment is large for one person, maintained adequately well by the landlords, and in a convenient location. The snow is always shoveled, when applicable.

I've been on hormone-replacement therapy for more than 20 months now. One of the things that helped with that decision was the knowledge that I could give it a try and stop after a few months, if it wasn't doing anything good for me, before any irreversible changes would start kicking in. Bodies and brain chemistry are weird and individual; being trans or nonbinary has nothing to do with what hormones or surgery one opts for. With that said, it turns out that estrogen works for me. A lot. I feel more comfortable in my skin than I ever had in my life (which is admittedly a very low bar), and my anxiety level is way down. Which is to say, it's still elevated—we live in trying times—but it's manageable. I don't anticipate ever going off this if I can help it.

I also like having a different palette of sartorial expression. I sometimes joke that I came out when I did because I imprinted on the oversized-shirt and leggings look back in the '80s, and I refused to miss out on it a second time.

Finally, my avocation, my improbable side-hustle, my Road Not Taken that has miraculously looped back around to join the road I did take, is music. I run a local ukulele meetup and a local events calendar, and I have a bona-fide ukulele act of my own. My YouTube account recently passed 100 subscribers, I have a Patreon (Mo made me do it), I wrote a song that's been covered by my favorite band and viewed more than 8,000 times, and I now have at least a couple of fans who weren't already friends of mine. I will probably gibber about this some more in a future entry.

If you have any followup questions, feel free to hit me up on Twitter, Facebook, or e-mail.



Music Advent Day 2: there are way too many musicians I like whose name starts with B. I am going to go with Buckner & Garcia's Wreck It, Wreck-It Ralph.

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by S. published on December 2, 2019 9:25 AM.

Holidailies 2019 Begins! was the previous entry in this blog.

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