3:13 AM:

Oh, I almost forgot: if you're in New York, and I haven't yet heard from you, please drop me a line via e-mail. Elaine, Phebe, Michael, any professors reading this... this means you. I worry, okay?

A bit over two years ago, I had one of those Major Life-Changing Events, as I think Columbine put it, a car crash that altered my life and those of my family so drastically that everything in my life can be divided into two periods: Pre-Crash and Post-Crash.

I felt the same way again today, but this time it ain't just my family. It's the whole city.

I still can't quite wrap my mind around the idea of the Twin Towers simply not being there anymore. It doesn't compute. It... there's a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy passage I dearly wanted to cite in an entry here, but my copy of the book is still packed away. It's the bit in which Arthur is trying to assimilate the idea of Earth being gone, finally passing out when he realizes that there are no more McDonald's. I keep coming back to visiting the WTC with Elaine some time back, and the stores we stopped by, and the Krispy Kreme I kept meaning to check out which no longer exists, and the train station I transferred at on the way back from Jersey late at night that I don't know the status of but which is presumably buried, and... I can almost grasp the details.

For the very first time in my life, I am glad that Rudolph Giuliani is the mayor of New York City; he's exactly the right person for the job right now. Although part of me can't help but wonder how this will affect the mayoral race currently in progress; thus far, all the candidates have effectively been running against him (even though he can't run again, due to a stupid term-limit law). I have a feeling that's going to stop being a useful strategy around now.

The problem is that while Rudy's perfect for the job in the midst of a major crisis, he's always in crisis mode, even precipitating crises when there are none around. Which is just as bad, in its own way. One can only hope the electorate will manage to keep that in mind, come November.

Still, to reiterate, just now, I'm honestly very glad he's there.

Would that I could say the same for the president, but one can hope that he'll manage to rise to the occasion.

Virtually my entire support network is in New York. The phone lines were jammed most of the day. I spent much of the day watching TV, fruitlessly dialling everybody I could think of, and feeling very alone. The 'Net helped, but only to a limited extent.

That I'm still pretty sure this was the act of a bunch of homegrown American terrorists hasn't helped my mood any. I was discussing this with a friend earlier tonight, once I finally managed to get through (my long-distance bill is gonna be obscene this month and I'm past caring), and it comes down to motive vs. means. His contention was that it had to be the work of foreign terrorists because they were too competent to be American militia members. My contention was and is that it would make sense for anti-governmental White supremecists to launch such an attack as part of an opening salvo in the war to bring down the government, while, say, Islamic militants would have little to gain by trying something like this. I suppose I find it more likely that a committed bunch of militia members could've spent a few years carefully planning this out than that an elite bunch of foreign terrorists went after the U.S. for no good reason.

Perhaps most unsettling is that in either scenario, one figures that New York was chosen at least in part for its role as the Jewish world capital. Which both scares me on a direct level, and scares me about the possibility of a backlash against us by "normal" Americans for causing all this. Walking across campus today wasn't fun; just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't really out to get you.

No doubt I'm being somewhat influenced by having skimmed through The Turner Diaries a few months ago (I wasn't able to read it straight through), with its fictional (but idealistic) representation of a war against the kikes and niggers running the country and everybody else who aids them, with full-scale terrorist attacks all over the country to set up a new government with the Whites firmly in control... and I hope this isn't the latest salvo in an effort to bring the book's central battle to life, but I'm not sure it isn't.

This entry is scattered, but so are my thoughts.

3:24 PM:

Oh, dear God.

I woke up this morning -- 11:30 AM counts as "morning," in my book -- to the radio's announcement that there had been bombings or something in New York and Washington, destroying the Twin Towers and damaging the Pentagon.

The good news, I realized almost immediately, was that my atoms weren't bouncing around the atmosphere and the radio was still broadcasting, so global thermonuclear warfare clearly hadn't broken out. As a child of the '70s and '80s, this was a natural thing to come to mind, I suppose. Especially for a New Yorker-- I think most of us are generally aware, at the back of our minds, that if anything happens, we'll be at Ground Zero.

On the other hand... my God.

Immediately afterwards, went to the TV, saw some images, uttered several more "my God"s, upon which I got a phone call from the English Department, wanting to know if I wanted to reschedule the exam in Hebrew I was supposed to be taking today. I told them I'd call back with a decision in a half-hour.

Classes have been cancelled, which makes sense, as there are an awful lot of New Yorkers at the U of M, with family and friends back home.

I then called home myself and confirmed that my family's okay, certainly the immediate part of it, and as much of the extended as anybody knows about.

Decided to take the Hebrew exam. Went in, took it, didn't do too badly, although my time management could've been better and I'm not sure I translated enough in time. Came back home, and typed this.

I'd be calling my nearest and dearest in New York, but all circuits are busy, and, besides, there are too many of them; I don't even know where to begin. Just before work at the World Trade Center? I don't know of anybody in particular who'd have been there, but it's such a major transit hub that lots of people could've been.

They're gonna be taking blood donations at the student union on Friday. I've owed a couple of pints since the car accident. I think it's time to start settling the debt.

Yeesh.

3:04 AM:

We interrupt the narrative in progress (at least in part because I'm too busy reading literary theory, when I'm not watching TV [I now have cable! I can watch Sheep in the Big City!]) to bring you a short weblog item. In which a literary novel features product placement.

"Just explain to me why it is more contemptible to be paid by an Italian jewellery firm than by HarperCollins? It's still money."

(Courtesy of Field Notes.)