4:37 AM:

I'm debating going to JournalCon.

Perhaps "debating" is too generous a term; it seems to imply some sort of dialogue, with each side making arguments, which are thoughtfully considered and rebutted by the opposition. Whereas the twain aren't meeting on any sort of neutral ground here. My heart is all, "Ooh, I wanna I wanna I wanna!" and my head is like, "there is no way this is a good idea."

Usually such conflicts end in procrastination, followed by not doing whatever's at issue by default, which suggests that I ain't gonna be there, and yet... oh, I am sorely tempted.

Let's start with the reasons not to go, shall we? In no particular order:

• I can't afford it.
  
• It's over a weekend. Given religious obligations, this would probably mean that I'd be present for Friday afternoon, late Saturday night, and Sunday morning... in other words, I'd be there as people arrived and departed, but would miss just about all of the Con itself.
  
• Furthermore, I'm going to have a class on Friday afternoons this coming semester, which I'd have to cut in order to attend. Which might not be so bad if I weren't already going to be missing eight class sessions in the preceding few weeks, thanks to the High Holy Days. (Maybe six and two halves, if I can arrive partway through a couple of them.) None of them in that class, but I'm still gonna have more than enough work to make up.
  
• There are people there I'd like to spend time with, but I'd really want to spend time with them one-on-one, not in a group setting... which spectacularly misses the point of JournalCon.
  
• Karen and Pär ain't gonna be there anyway. (The possibility of their showing up had headed my "reasons to go" list in a previous draft.)
  
• I might be able to stay by a friend in the area, thus avoiding hotel costs, but
  • That would make it difficult, if not impossible, to do much on Saturday night, which otherwise looks like my best shot at socializing, and
    
  • I'd have to explain why I'm in town, and I'm a lousy liar. And "a writer's conference" won't cut it, 'cause the friend in question writes, and would want to know more. And I don't want him knowing about this journal.
• Have I mentioned that I can't afford it?

• Illinois ain't all that far from Michigan.
  
• Mo, Columbine, and Jen are gonna be there. This is a relatively minor reason only because I've already met all of them. I'd be very happy to spend more time with the former two, and I know I'll welcome the opportunity to catch up with the last after a month and a half in the Midwest.
  
• Jette's going to be there. This is a very compelling argument, as I'd love to meet her, and this is the best chance I'm likely to get.
  
• My "sister" is likely to be there. (And, hey, check out her new site!) She's currently tempting me severely with a "hey, I'll go if you'll go" offer, which just might break down my resistance, 'cause I really really really want to meet her in person.

Anyway, the upshot of all this is that I'm torn. I suspect that my interest in seeing Erin and Jette would outweigh the rest of my objections if the money weren't a factor, but it's a pretty big one. Hmm. Maybe if I skipped the conference events entirely, and took the red-eye Greyhound back late Sunday night (departs Chicago 1:30 AM, arrives in Ann Arbor 8:55 AM), and finangled a stay at my friend in Illinois? That'd keep my costs down to about fifty bucks... 'course, that'd also mean I'd miss seeing everybody but Erin, not to mention the sleep deprivation. Could still be worth it, though. Hmm.

I got my paycheck this past Wednesday, and did some math at last. I figured out how much money I'd be raking in by the end of the summer, and added it to the forty bucks or so I had left in savings. I then added up the final month of rent at my current apartment, the first month of rent at my new apartment in Michigan, and the $800 I currently owe my younger brother, whose financial situation isn't any better than mine just now.

Left out of the equation for the moment were such trifles as food and laundry for the next month, moving expenses, and the $200 I owe to a friend, who will no doubt continue to be remarkably patient.

It turned out that my expenses by the end of August would be about ten bucks more than I'd be taking in. Oh.

I did eventually realize that I only have a half-month's rent left to pay at my current place, which helps a bit, and I don't know when I'm getting my security deposit back, which could help a lot.

In the meantime, the nice people at the University of Michigan have cheerfully noted that it's a good idea to have enough money on hand to cover your expenses for the first month, in case the financial aid doesn't come through so quickly. Would that this were plausible.

Which brings us to a related issue: health insurance. I don't have any.

This is not such a big problem in New York, where there are doctors I can go to with whom my parents have accounts, but it could become an issue in Michigan. If nothing else, I need the occasional eyelash plucked when it grows in the wrong way... although, come to think of it, my father's auto insurance very likely covers that, it being an expense directly related to the crash. But otherwise, while my strategy in general -- not to get sick -- has served me well so far, it's a bit of a gamble.

On the other hand, there's no way in the world I'll be able to afford health insurance. I have no doubt of that. Unless I could get on Medicaid, which I keep meaning to look into...

On the bright side, once I start teaching there, I get health benefits, so I just need to make it for one year without getting sick. That should be possible, right?

I got a package on Friday. Or at least, the FedEx guy came by on Friday to give me a package. Unfortunately, I was sound asleep at the time, so he left a little note on my door to the effect that he'd be back on Monday. A subsequent conversation with my landlord confirmed that it was, indeed, a package for me, not them. I gather that he specifically wanted me to sign for the thing.

See, this is why I prefer UPS. They'll let the next-door neighbor sign for you. Although that may be because they come by more often, and therefore know everybody. Hmm.

(Actually, I really prefer Priority Mail, or Express Mail with the "no signature required" box checked. I've never been in a situation where I've wanted anything other than to have the package dropped off.)

I hadn't been expecting a package from anybody, much less via FedEx, so I'm now intensely curious. The tracking number they provided led me to the information that it was originally picked up from New York, and shipped via Overnight Delivery, but that doesn't help me.

Hopefully not a pizza, 'cause it'd be dead by now, but that would be kind of silly anyway, given that I live within walking distance of at least four kosher pizza shops. Six, if you count the one on the college campus, and the dairy restaurant that has pizza on the menu, not that restuarant pizza is ever any good. Or maybe I ordered something that's entirely slipped my mind, but I really don't think so.

Whatever it is, it's almost certainly gonna be anticlimactic, I figure.